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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Whack a Prius


Are you a road rager?
I am. A dyed in the wool road rager. But only if you make me angry. So warning...DON'T DO IT. This is the only warning you get.

Prius drivers REALLY piss me off. They think they are holier than everything on this earth. All because they drive a "green" car. You know the ones. The wool-sock-sandal-wearing people who hug trees for fun. *shudder*

Daughter and I were on our way back from our girls weekend and had a nice two and a half hour drive ahead of us. Like clockwork, she falls asleep. Seriously? I am tired too you know!!! But like a mom, I suck it up and start tapping my feet to stay awake. I looked like someone having seizures. 70 minutes into the drive,  the Prius Troll passed for the first time.

Now, I drive a Subaru Forester (a new one, not one of the bell-bottom early 2000 models) so it's not like I have a complex of car envy because I have a crappy car. Nope. I just hate Prius drivers. Our neighbor drives a Prius. They are organic, they wear wool socks and sandals, and they are weird.

The Prius Troll was driving the Prius that screams "Look at me...I am saving the planet" (pale green). So she passed me. I was going about 73 mph. The way it flew (flying makes no noise...like the ninja cat hybrids do) she had to have been doing 80. I look over...she's on her phone. Of course.

Fast forward (no pun intended) a few miles down the road...I see her. And I am catching up with her. No worries. Maybe she had to pee. It happens.
So I pass her, still going 73 mph since I have a modern car with CRUISE CONTROL! I blow her away and I see her fading away in the mirror. Dang, she slowed waaaaayyyy down. No phone at her ear. Remember this.

Fast forward again...whoa...what is that coming up behind me so stealthily? Uh-huh...Prius Troll. She's gaining on my butt. She passes me. AGAIN. I see that she is on her phone. Hmm. Is there a pattern here?

Again, I am going 73 mph. Cruise control is a good thing. Just saying.

So I am tip-tapping my way down the road a few more miles...what do I spy? Yup, that dang Prius. Gaining on her. I pass her. As I do, I look over to give her the "look". As in the "WTH are you doing" look. Yessiree Bobby...not on the phone.


Doot-de-doot-de-doot....down the road I go. Look in my rearview mirror...This is really starting to torque me. It's the Troll again.

Me, pissed in a car? Not good. Not good at all.

I speed up and move over into her lane. No way in heck is she passing me AGAIN. I get along side a truck going about the same speed as me. She moves into the truck's lane.

I speed up.

She moves into my lane. I slow down. She moves over. I speed up.

I am getting a sick thrill out of this. (Insert extremely evil laugh track) I continue this for 3 miles. Each time she thinks she is going to get out from under my spell. I whack her. She looked like a drunk. Weaving back and forth between lanes, never knowing which one to be in.

I would have loved to keep messing with her but I gotta pee.

Ah good times.

So all you Prius owners out there...second warning...Don't mess with me!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Random Jury Duty Selection Process?

We received jury duty summons in the mail yesterday. Two of them! Thankfully neither of them are in my name.

(Insert evil laugh track here!)

My 19 year old daughter and husband were both selected "randomly" for jury duty for the same period of time. How random is that? I will admit, I was laughing my butt off when my daughter started wailing about it.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/scavenger/detail?entry_id=57304
"What do I know about jurying?" Yeah, jurying...I actually looked it up because I thought it was another made up word. It means to judge. Who knew? That, my friends, is your worthless tidbit of the day.

Statistically, this should be nearly impossible to have 2 of 3 eligible people in a household selected for jury duty during a given time. 66% of our household got the summons. How the heck can THAT be random? I am thinking someone was just being a smartass during the selection process. I can hear the conversation now:

"Hey, how funny would it be if two people in the same house got summoned?", says government worker one.

"OMG, dude! That would be epic!", says government summer intern.

In unison; "LET'S DO IT!!!"

At least that's how I picture it. I know, I know, it is a dumb computer program.

What is so funny about this whole scenario is that my DH has been called up 3 times for jury duty to my ZERO! Twice for the county and once for the Federal system. I know my time is coming and I just jinxed myself but I could just NOT write about this. 

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day: How Much Is Mom Worth? - ABC News

If you were to put a salary on what you are worth as a mother, what would you think you should get paid? Would you underestimate your worth? Or would you include a performance bonus that showed what a great mom you were? Or would you penalize yourself based on the performance review from your kids?

Insure.com put together an insurance rating for moms. They say that a mom's worth is equal to $61,436/year.

Mother's Day: How Much Is Mom Worth? - ABC News

While I see the practical side of putting a dollar value on it, I don't think it is realistic.

Why?

It's not realistic because most moms have to be the Jill of All Trades, Master of the All to their kids and you cannot put a price on it.

All the things that moms do like giving birth (jeez, can you put a price tag on pushing a football out of our va-jay-jay? And then attempting it AGAIN...and again in some instances?), going without sleep for the first two years of life, sacrificing her perky boobs for the health of the child...there are the therapy sessions (disguised as shopping trips, concerts, road trips), bonding moments (movie nights with popcorn and ice cream) and the quiet times. How do you set a pay scale for those? You can't.

I love being a mom, but like most jobs, it can get rough at times. There is no book called "Mommying for Dummies", kids don't come with a manual and they sure as heck don't come with unlimited software upgrades.

Being a mom is hard work!

We try to do the best job we can; and at times, we fail. We have to remember, our grandmothers weren't perfect, our moms aren't perfect and we won't be perfect. It's those failures that we hope to learn from. As my kids get older, I realize that I have made mistakes and wish I could have a do-over. Maybe certain things would be different. But then, would the do-over have a "butterfly effect" and mess all the other good things in life that are there? We will never know.

We need to remember all the good things that we have done for our kids.

Like the time we were there for them when they crashed their bike and skinned their knees. We hugged them, cleaned the scrape and made the hurt go away. I wish all bad things could be washed away with a kiss and hug.

In the noise of life, it is sometimes hard to remember all of the good things that we do,because the good things happen so often and it is easier to focus on the fails. They stand out because they are unique.

So for this Mother's Day, take some time to remember the small things you do for your kids and count them as big. Because the little things that you take for granted, are going to be the big things that your kids remember the most.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms...YOU ROCK!






Saturday, May 7, 2011

Not Happy Today

I am not happy today. I am beginning to think that I am doing something wrong.

My "new" hairstylist is already gone. This is two down in the last 5 months. I fretted and fretted over the fact that I had to find a new stylist in February and thought I had found nirvana. She listened to me, asked me questions on everything pertaining to my hair. How I style it, color it, shampoo, blah blah blah.

I loved my new haircut.

Now she is gone.

I am fearful again. I NEED a haircut and I need it now. What do I do? I make an appointment for another stylist. With a groan and sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want to throw up.

So at 12:00, I will be trusting my hair to a stranger. AGAIN.

I just hope it's not me that is making them disappear.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I Want a Farm-Vegans Beware

Yup. I want a farm.

Traveling through the great state of Wisconsin today, I passed all these wonderful farmhouses, barns and bright green fields. It makes me want a farm.

But I don't want everything that goes with a farm. The cow poop smell. The cow patties and chicken poop, no way. I don't like the smell, looks and work that it would take. We had chickens one year. Yeah, me with chickens. We fed them, watched them grow and then chopped their head off.

Then we ate them.

They were delicious. Try explaining to your 4 year old where the chickens were when she came home from daycare. It would have been ideal if we had been done doing the deed but we still had a couple left to "take care of"

Gotta love my daughter. She wanted to see how it was done. So, like all good teaching moments, we did not let this go to waste. She has been around hunting all her life so it wasn't weird to her. She was pretty enthralled by it.

Maybe this is why she has always said she wants to find a dead body. I am surprised her college path isn't going to forensics.

So, I want a farm. So I can have a barn and a farmhouse with a wraparound porch, with a swing. Have to have a swing. 

Monday, May 2, 2011

Is it 5 O'Clock Already?

I work at home. My office is right across from my bedroom. My mommy day starts when my I hear my son start the shower at 6:15 am. My work day starts at 7 am.

We live out in the country with a well so that means that we have to "space" our showers out. And my son love's a long shower, and my daughter will be up soon. So what this means is that when I schlep myself and my coffee into my office at 6:45 am, I am usually still in my pj's. 

Some days I stay in my pj's all day. It all depends. Sometimes I will shower about noon or 3:00. Whenever the phone quiets down. Somedays, I don't get to shower at all. 

I know, TMI.

The days I shower. Or not. I might get lucky and get my hair done and makeup on right away. But I have never been lucky. Like today.

These are the days that I am thankful that my desk is situated so I can look out the window and see my hubby's truck coming. 

"Damn, it's 5:00!"

I run into the bathroom and quick as can be smear on some makeup and try to do something with my hair. All before he gets parked, gets his lunch cooler out of the truck and as I am hoping he has to put out corn for the ducks and deer that visit our yard. Just to give me a minute or more extra. And I need it. I have fine, thick straight, layered hair that looks pretty good after using a blow dryer and a round brush. Airdry? Flat and nasty. Ponytail time! Which is hard because I am growing out what was an awesome inverted bob that I loved until everyone else got it. The ONE time I do something before everyone else...everyone ends up with it, completely ruining it.

Anyway....

You are probably thinking, why would you bother? It's 5:00?!?!!?

I blame it on my mom. She was always one who "put on her face" EVERY morning whether she went out of the house or not. I miss her. But I think it all started with her.

Sorry, it's my undiagnosed ADHD....

I also blame it on the comments I have heard from husbands, boyfriends, friends about women they know. 

"She really let herself go after she popped that last monster cutie-pie out."
"She never puts make-up on anymore. She doesn't seem to care about herself."
"Did she just freaking roll out of bed?!?!!?"

Do I do it for my hubby? Mostly, but I also do it for me. If I don't want to look at myself, why would anyone else? He loves me no matter what but I like to look good when he gets home. I know, June Cleaverish.

Am I the only one who does this? Please tell me that I am normal.



Sunday, May 1, 2011

No Sleep for You!!

My husband has never had problems sleeping at night. He always made fun of me when I would have problems falling asleep or staying asleep. He would sleep through the baby crying, a storm brewing. You name it, he would sleep through it.

Not me. I never sleep through anything.

Now? I think he is going through manopause. Yes, you read that right...MANOPAUSE.

He is crankier than normal.Wakes up at 2:00 am for no reason and can't sleep. Is wanting a bigger garden. It's scaring me a bit. I wonder when he will tell me that he wants a sports car or something like that.

And I am silently gloating. Outward, I am being the good, understanding wife.

"I completely understand, honey. It sucks not being able to sleep."

As I hold myself back from saying.
"Suck it up. Pull up your big boy undies and get over it."

 I know, I am so wrong for being this way. But I still think it's funny as hell.

This is payback for all those nights I let him sleep when the kids were sick. For when I got up to feed the baby when he had to work a 12 hour shift. All the nights that I stayed awake to pick up the kids after a late dance or track meet. All the late night drives home from out of town soccer games BY MYSELF with the kids.

You know what they say....Paybacks are hell. And I am enjoying this. At least for now.

I hear my turn is coming. 

Friday, April 29, 2011

I Love Old People

I love old people. They can say things that younger people can't say and get away with it. People just smile and nod at them. It's like kids too. Old people and kids, they can be forgiven for saying anything.

Today, I was on a plane (for more on that click here). One of 3 flights today and there was a lady talking loudly on a cell phone as she is walking down the aisle. There was this older gentleman already in his seat. The line got held up by some idiot who could not figure how to pull his head out of his butt put his bag up in the overhead bin.  Jeez, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out...IT IS TOO BIG!

Where was I? Oh, this rude bitch lady was getting louder and getting on everyone's nerves. I was ready to punch her but that would mean putting my Kindle down and having to rise out of my seat. And punching isn't a good thing on a plane. Ok, I really would not have done it but I like to fantasize.

"Hey lady, you are yelling in my ear", the old guy says rather loudly.

Total silence.

She ends her call.

That is why I love old people. I think we all need to start to think like old people and act in the manner in which we wish others would act. That way we don't irritate others and as Rodney King would say...

"Can't we all just get along?"

And they wonder why there are so many people that don't want cell phones allowed on the plane. Good example of why I don't want it. This guy, I will refer to as Douche of the Day.

He was at MSP airport standing by one of the food courts on his Iphone (substitute for manhood?) just spewing about nothing but profanity and acting like a Trump wannabe. It was disgusting. Imagine sitting next to him on a plane for 2 hours. I would kill him and be sent to prison never to see my family again. So, what do I do? Walk past and exclaim...

"What a douche!"

He lost his train of thought and just looked at me. My job for mankind was done for today.

You're welcome.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Poor Fashion Choices=Easy Target

I am not a fashion plate. I do not buy the latest fashions and I don't spend a ton of money on my clothes. But what I do buy, I try to make sure they fit good and look better. But, there are just some fashion choices that make me go "HUH"?

Different strokes for different folks? I get that, really. I do. But certain things just are not ok. Writing on the sweatpants ala Pink by Victoria's Secret, acceptable in most instances. Notice I said MOST, not all. There are some people that should not wear writing on their butts!

This lady, for example, from a distance, they look like a funky print.


Now look a little closer, closer....

I think (operative:THINK) it says peace. I wasn't moving fast enough to catch up since I was schlepping my bags..But not only are the pants horrendous but she is barefoot! In an airport! That is just too nasty for words.

This guy must have a wife or girlfriend who hates him. "Honey, it looks really good when you wear blaze orange shorts with your matchy shoes!" The picture doesn't even show the brightness as good as if you were right there. I got my sunglasses out.


Now, you guess the next one. Look closely at the one on the right. Guy or girl? See the hair?

Double take!!! Its a dude! I want to ask how he keeps his locks long and luscious! Ok, not!

There we so many more! It was like the auditions for "What Not toWear" was visiting Detroit Metro yesterday! I also saw two women who thought it was a wise choice to wear a lace shirt over just the bra. The only time this is okay is if you are attending a party at the Playboy Mansion.Cripes. I have said it before and I will say it again...buy yourself a mirror or find better friends if they tell you "sure, it's cute". 

Monday, April 25, 2011

The Girls Need Support

Girls, they need support. They need their friends, their family, their spouse for support. They help to uplift and keep us girls happy. What happens if the girls don't get support? They get droopy and sad. The other "girls" also get droopy and sad if they don't get sufficient support.

I did a lot of people watching today and was amazed at the number of women whose girls were just flopping around as they walked (or ran) through the airport. It made my chest hurt just watching them. Seriously ladies, I don't care if you are a B cup or a NN cup. A good bra is your friend!

Not only would it do wonders for how your clothes fit but it will give you support and the weight won't pull on your shoulders and upper back. Face it ladies, boobs can be a pain in the back!

Question 100 guys and I bet the majority of them would say that the first they they noticed (if they were truly honest) is a woman's breasts. Whether they are perky or droopy, full or flat, it is what make a woman a woman and guys notice them. Wouldn't you rather have them look at you as a whole than judge you by whats on your chest?

"Guys, eyes are up here."

You don't have to anorexic to have great boobs. You just need the right bra. Kind of like the IPhone, there's an app for that. Fried eggs on your chest? There's a bra for that. Full breasts off to the side? There's a bra for that. Droopers? There's a bra for that. I think you get my point.

The best gift to your girls? Get a bra fitting from a professional. Yes, it is weird and awkward but I have done it and found that I was in the wrong size. I am glad I did it! Keep looking and trying on bras. What works for my 19 year old daughter may not work for me. (If you thought you heard a bit of jealousy, you did!)

Get noticed for you, not your boobs or lack of girl support.

(.) (.)

The girls thank you.

p.s. Don't forget to do your mammograms and self breast exams!

Rockin' the Yoga Pants?

In case you missed it the first time around. I will be posting again this week but as I am heading out this morning to the beautiful state of Pennsylvania, I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off! And if you head over to my other blog, you will see why I wish I could cut my head off!


The World According to Me: Rockin' the Yoga Pants?: "You have seen it, the person at the mall who thinks they rock the yoga pant. Really, its more like a boulder in the yoga pants. And I ain't ..."

Friday, April 22, 2011

Massage Virgin No Longer

I had my first massage today. It was all I was expecting and more.

I went to the Elysium Salon and Dayspa and saw Devyn. She shook my hand (can we say death grip?!?!)  and I just knew it was going to be good. The smells were amazing. It smelled like I was walking through a garden on Maui!

The table was prewarmed, sheets were soft. Heaven. As she started kneading the knots out of my back, all I could think of is how much I wish I could be her client everyday!

For an hour, I had an amazing massage from head to toe. She found muscles that were balled up like little truffles, only not as sweet and got them to melt completely away as if they were indeed made of chocolate.

Ok, the only thing that would have made it better was if Devyn was some hot, muscular Matthew McConaughey look-alike. But then, my eyes were closed most of the time anyway, so it didn't really matter.

To say I am hooked is an understatement. I think I found my new addiction. There could be worse things to be addicted to. Like plastic surgery, drugs or alcohol. I am trying to convince my hubby that I need one monthly. Maybe I can convince my boss that it would be mutually beneficial to let me expense one each month. Call it Mental Health Assurance.

To top the day off, we went to Red Lobster for dinner. A bit of shopping, nails done, a massage, dinner out. What else could top of the day? Hmmmm....dessert.

Me Day

I haven't had a me day for a while. In fact, I can't remember the last time I had one. Most of my me days consist of getting the house clean and possibly grocery shopping.

Today, will mostly be a me day. I am going to have my finger nails done and taking advantage of my birthday present from my daughter. She bought me a one hour full body massage! Do I have a great daughter or what?

I have never had more than a simple back rub from my husband so I have no idea what to expect. I admit, I am a bit nervous.

What underwear should I wear? Should I make sure that I have done proper landscaping? Oh dang, my toe polish looks like crap? Will they notice? Will the masseuse be a guy? (The name is Devon...can go both ways!) If it is, will he be hot?

These are all the things that are running through my head right now and it's making me tense just thinking about it.

So I will do what I always do. Overachieve. I will wear my normal underwear...no thong but make sure I don't have VPL. I will shave my legs and make sure my bikini line is crisp and neat. I will re-polish my toes. Or should I just see if they can fit me in for a pedicure? Decisions, decisions.

In reality, I just don't want them to talk behind my back when I leave.

"Did you see her toenails, was that a fungus or chipping polish?"
"OMG, has she ever shaved her legs?"

Nope, not gonna happen to me.

Here's to you having your me day....What is your dream me day?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Calming Influence? Me?

There are certain words that I never thought I would hear when describing me. One in particular: 

Calm.

You read that right. Me, calm? Yeah, right. Only if they changed the definition in the dictionary. 

I was surprised to hear it myself. I was talking with someone today and they said that they were glad I was going to be going to our clients next week with the group as I would be a calming influence on my coworkers. I was floored. I had never been described this way. And I mean NEVER.

It may take me a little time to get used to this.

It got me thinking. I used to be the mom who yelled all the time. Over everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Kids didn't pick up their rooms? I yelled. Kids weren't ready for school? I yelled. I had turned into a cranky mom. And I didn't want to be that way.

Now? I still get cranky but I realize that I don't yell much anymore. Am I really calmer? What caused the change? I would like to say that I had an epiphany and made a decision but I think it was a gradual change.

So what happened? I just stopped being so concerned about the little things. Son wanted to go to school in January only wearing a sweatshirt? He will be the one cold, not me. Their room is dirty? They are on another floor and I don't have to see it.

Now, when I do have to yell, it means something. Just ask my son. He will tell you. I can still bellow with the best of them.

My yelling was becoming the norm and they shut me out. I was just background noise.

So, yes. I am calm. I will live it, embrace it and love it.




Wednesday, April 20, 2011

When Something Doesn't Work~ Using Support

Working in computer based Customer Support can be as frustrating as trying to figure out why your newborn baby is crying. You have fed her, changed her diaper, made sure she isn't too hot or too cold. And yet, she still cries. You get more frustrated the longer she cries. The more frustrated you get, the more she cries. It is a vicious cycle.

Customer support can be like that. You think you are asking all of the right questions, in all the right ways but you just can't seem to figure out what they are trying to tell you.

I have found that it isn't always what you ask and what they tell you but what they DON'T tell you that is most important. So here are some tips for users of customer support that can be used regardless of the topic.

1. If you did something you know you should not have, and then it broke, please tell me. I promise not to yell at you for doing something to it. It will help me to help you.

2. If you tried to fix it yourself, please tell me what you did. If you swapped cables but didn't know what you were swapping, let's work together to put them back in the same spot. Then we can start fresh.

3. Yes, I KNOW you already tried that. Can you try it again using my directions? You would be surprised at how many calls can be shortened because you may have missed one eensy-weensy little step when you were doing it by yourself. It doesn't mean that you don't know what you are doing, it just means that you are human. 

4. If you dropped the device in the toilet and send it in because it doesn't work, please let us know before we open the package and use our bare hands to handle it. Have you seen what is in some of those toilets? And yes, we can tell when there is water damage, so please don't try to deny it.

5. Please don't get angry when we pass you to someone else. It only means that your issue is beyond our expertise.

6. Read the help files. Seriously, I am not kidding. You would be amazed at what was in there.

7. If you are having an issue with a product or software and it is not one of our products, please call the correct company. Really, we don't like having to tell you that we don't support that particular product.

8. Surprisingly enough, it is the simple things that fix a lot of issues. Don't get defensive when we ask you to check the power or the connections.

9. Don't call in the middle of the night to just "report" a problem if you don't have any intention of working with us. Many smaller companies have people who answer calls at night AND have to work the next day. We are more than happy to help you, but don't just call in for FYI sake.

10. Last but not least...we are not in the business for the glory of it all. (What little there is!) BUT...a thank you once in a while really goes a long way. Especially if you are a frequent caller, the person you get on the other end may have a better attitude to help you.

A little sense of humor helps too.



Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Yogurt Heaven

Disclaimer: this is not an ad. I did not receive any compensation in any form. I just love the stuff!

About 18 months ago, I was in on one of my health kick cycles. These cycles come and go based on where I am in life. A friend told me about Chobani Greek yogurt and how it had more protein than the other brands and how it tasted so much better.
Mid-morning snack
I normally notice new products on the grocery store shelves and I hadn't seen this brand before. So, I went on a mission. I looked high and low and could not find Chobani ANYWHERE! I tried the other Greek yogurts and just did not find one that I liked. They just tasted like a glorified version of the sickening sweet "normal" versions.

I kept looking and FINALLY! My favorite store started carrying it. After the failures of the others to live up to my tastes, I only bought one cup, in strawberry.

I could barely contain myself! (I know...over yogurt of all things!) The only reason I didn't open it in the car was because I didn't have a spoon and didn't feel like eating it with my fingers. DH would be very unhappy with a sticky steering wheel.

In great anticipation, I peeled the foil topping off and was met by a thick, creamy goodness. I plunged the spoon in to reveal the fruity bottom.

Round and round, I stirred it into a creamy, pink swirl.

The first taste? I would like to say that at that moment, I was hit with heavenly delights; but I wasn't. I found it interesting, tasty and good. Did I like it? Yes, I did. However, after years of eating what passes for yogurt now days, it was like an assault on my senses.

I closed my eyes and let it melt. It was yogurt the way I remembered it as a kid, so long ago. It was thick, creamy and had that yogurty tang that said you were eating something other than thickened sugared milk.

I was hooked.

Do I like every flavor? I would be lying if I said I did. I also haven't tried every flavor they offer because the stores around here don't carry all of the flavors and there are some flavors that I just don't like.

My favorites are:

  • Raspberry
  • Black Cherry
  • Strawberry
  • Blueberry
And now? So many people have discovered this little bit of heaven in a cup that there is a shortage. There are signs in all of my grocery stores and I have seen empty shelves. 

And cried.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Anyone Seen a Rat?


My son lost his rat today. If you ask him though, he would say he temporarily misplaced it.

I was not thrilled when he begged and pleaded for a rat. I swore that I would never touch the thing, clean it's cage or worry about it.

That lasted about a minute.

I still don't clean it's cage. But I do worry about it and let it run around, steal my food (!) and play with him. He is a fun little guy.

My son comes running into my office today. "Mom, I can't find Bullet!".
"Where did you have him last?"
"I had his cage open when I was on Skype and he must have climbed out."

So off we go to his room...calling for a rat. If you ever wondered, no, they don't come when they are called. Crinkling the spinach bag, no response.

Yelling at my son, still no response. Walking through the house crinkling food bags and nothing.

"Are you sure you didn't have him upstairs?" I ask him.
"I did earlier, but I brought him down."

I go into the upstairs living room and start going through the blankets. First blanket? No Bullet. Under the pillow? No Bullet. Look at the blanket folded on the back of the couch nicely (I know, wonders never cease!) and think, no way!

I start peeling the layers of the blankets. Layer one, no Bullet. Layer two, no Bullet. Layer three? BULLET! There you are! He looks at me with accusing eyes as if saying "You interrupted my nap!".

My son retrieves his rat as I lecture him about responsibility.

 I return to my office, and breathe a sigh of relief. Crisis averted. Until the next time, after all, my son IS a blonde.

BTW....for full disclosure. I am a blonde but my son exudes blondeness, but I love him.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Diet Coke, Flaming Hot Cheetos and Dairy Queen

This week was so bad that I had to adopt the mantra "Just get through the day". What started out as a simple trip to work with some great people slowly turned into a congealed mess of bodily waste.

I should have known something was up when I had a Diet Coke and Flamin' Hot Cheetos craving on Wednesday morning at 7:30. It was like an omen. The flames from the Cheetos = flames from hell? I should have just turned around and went back to bed. But I blissfully believed my engineers would not let me down. Besides, I was already 120 miles from home and I still had Ikea to look forward to.

Mistake number 1? Believing my engineers wouldn't let me down. The "no worries" mentality just plain scares me. Mistake number 2? Believing that I would get to Ikea. This is the part that truly disappoints me. So close, yet so far.

At the end of the work day on Wednesday, I was getting teased about only eating a piece of gum all day. Can't say that I blame them because they didn't see me wolf down half a bag of Cheetos before I got to their site. Coffee, Cheetos, gum and Diet Coke...what's wrong with that? I wanted Korean BBQ but when I did a search it came up with this list. Really? Look closely.

The day ended with a little bit of file hacking and a sigh of relief that at least I had a work-around. They don't call me the work-around queen for nothing! I did end up at Outback Steakhouse at about 8:00 that night but I probably shouldn't have finished off the bag of Cheetos on my way there. I really should have tried for Ikea...even if it would have been 30 minutes. It would have been my fix.

Thursday wasn't any better. The no worries adage lived on and after 8 hours of diddling...I finally get sent home feeling beat up. 3 hours on the road, starving and rush hour. Seriously? This calls for immediate action. Well, not so immediate as traffic sucks. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is chocolate covered, whipped cream, ice creamy goodness.

I drowned my sorrows in chocolate and ice cream, drove all the way home and cried myself to sleep knowing it would be a month before I get to Ikea. Life is so unfair.



Monday, April 11, 2011

The Shoe Whore

Shoes...one of my addictions. I don't drink, I don't do drugs (unless we start qualifying caffeine) and I don't overeat, most of the time. The one thing I do do is shoes.

Flats, heels, boots, flip flops, athletic shoes...you name it, I covet them if they can cover my feet AND they look cute. It is a plus if they feel good too, but thats not a deal breaker.

I work with a gal, who will remain nameless, that I refer to as my Shoe Madame. She provides me with shoe websites to peruse so I can drool all over my keyboard. I tell my husband that the letters are worn off from my nails but in reality, its the drool. Gross, huh?

We all know about Zappos.com and Shoebuy and my other favorite, Amazon but this new one...it's like I have died and gone to heaven.Today, she fed my addiction with 6pm.com. She got this from the Shoe Pimp in the other cubicle...Seriously, this site makes me swoon. The clearance store especially!

Calvin Klein heels for $44.70? Yes please. Pink and Silver Betsey Johnson strappy heels for $65? Oh yes...Leopard print BeBe pumps $59.98?...please and thank you, may I have another? It's almost as good as sex. Almost!


It's a darn good thing that I have willpower or we would be in the poor house with my shoe purchases. I cleaned out my closet last year and parted ways with shoes that I grew tired of. I counted the pairs of black shoes...just black.

How many pairs of black shoes do you think I had? If you guessed 10, you would have been wrong. 15? Nope, still wrong. I had 23 pairs of black shoes.

The worst part of this shoe addiction is that I live in winter wonderland for 6 months of the year, work from home and don't have any places to wear fun shoes. Not that that stops me or anything but it does slow me down. So, I add to my boot collection and these are my favorites...got them for a steal on Ebay and I am truly sad that winter is over. They are FitFlop boots! LOVE THEM!

Yes, you can call me the shoe whore. I fully wear that crown with pride.

Lights On For Safety!

We had fog this weekend...LOTS of fog. It was the spooky, thick white fog that stopped anyone from seeing more that 10 feet in front of you.

Driving is always tricky up here in da' nort when there's fog. Why is that?

Because people are dumb! Not just clueless or inconsiderate of others...just dumb.

I don't always agree with every law that is passed but this is one law that I wish they would enforce, even if it is to give a warning. The lights are not meant to help you to see through the fog but for other drivers, walkers, flyers (hey, you never know when you may see me on a broom!). It's so we can see YOU!

I know, it's a crazy concept! It's not so bad when you are driving down a straight-away until.....
Whoa....some Nervous Nellie Grandma or Grandpa driving 30 mph in a 55 zone with no lights on just suddenly appears in front of you! Brakes hit, tires screeching...metal crunching...who needs that? I don't...I have a teenager driver...don't need any insurance premium increases!

So if you pass me along the road and I blink my lights at you...I am not flirting with you...it just means your lights are not on and it's just too difficult to reach out and touch you with my fist!

Lights on for safety!






Friday, April 8, 2011

Work at Home..What Part of Work Do you Not Get?

I work at home. Yes, I am a wife and mom and that work counts for a lot. But I also have to work for a living. this is where it is a bit of a dilemma.

I am extremely fortunate to have a job where I can roll out of bed, grab a cup of coffee and shuffle into my home office in my pajamas! Most days I love, love, love this arrangement. But there are THOSE days...

You know the ones where your hubby or kids think that the world revolves around them and their whims and just because you are present that you should just expect to wait on them? Working from home just adds to the number of those.

"Mom, can you bring me to school?"
"Honey, can you run and get this for me today?"
"Can you wash my clothes that I need for after school today"

Or worse...MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM! From the other room when I am on the phone... THAT however, is another story, for another day....

UM...hello...I have a job that requires me to be available....

Take today for example. It is a Friday so my hubby has the day off. We are embarking on a slow update to the house. The current project is my home office. It has been painted (I did it all, btw) so his part is new flooring. If you work from a  home office full time you know how much SHTUFF accumulates around you...try being a techno-geek who works for a medical equipment manufacturer!


He is bored and wants to get started...can't wait until 4 when I get off...NO! Gotta do it now...So, despite my day going to the dogs...I grudgingly unplug my phone, two routers, computer, monitor, battery back up and removable drives and move to the dining room. OMG...it took 30 minutes to move it and get it all set back up again! Temporary insanity, because when he finishes the floor...it all has to go back! It only took me 10 years to get it just so....I know, I hear the whine in my voice too...
Current cable mess!


Don't get me wrong, I am happy that he is doing this for me...but did he have to do it today?

If you are a work at home mom...tell me what your pet peeve is....leave me comment. I would love to hear from you!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Birthdays~They make you feel old!

Birthdays...we all have them. But why is it that the numbers make us feel so darn old?

No, it's not my birthday today. It's my daughter's. She turns 19 at 4:27 pm today. Not 4:00, not midnight, but 4:27 PM...I need to stay feeling a little young for a little while longer, gimme a break!


Why is it that your kid's birthdays inevitably make you feel older than your own birthdays do?

With my daughter...it just reminds me of when I was 19, a size 0 (don't hate), just married (huh?) and still got carded if I went to buy a lottery ticket. And THAT, my friends, is what makes me feel old. It's the "I remember being that age and wish I could turn back time" wah story! Cher sings about it, if I could just find a way....those were the days...

How old am I? Don't you know to never ask a woman that question (insert eye-roll here)? No, I wasn't 16 when I had her; but neither did I follow in the footsteps of people that started their child-rearing in their 40's. Child-rearing...that word really belongs on the list of words society could do without...

I digressed...sorry, the Ritalin didn't start working yet, it's still early.

Anyway, I am only 42...and while I am not a size 0 anymore, I don't think I look too bad for my age but then again, I have been meaning to get to the eye doctor for some new glasses. I think I put that off because I am afraid to really see the details in the mirror...I mean, really...why can't I have that plastic surgery? Oh yeah, a little thing called MONEY. So if you want to donate to my plastic surgery...you can donate here.

So happy birthday to my dear daughter...thanks for making me feel old!

Whale Tails~ A preventable tragedy

Whale tails...a simple little term that holds a few definitions. According animal biology, it is the appendage by which a whale is propelled through the ocean. According to human fashion biology, it is defined as the the thong taking a peek out of the jeans to see what it's missing. There is even a website dedicated to this phenomenon!

Am I immune to whale tale? I have to sadly admit that I am not immune. Does this mean that I proudly display my tail? Heck no! But there has been moments when I am at home, slipping on my shoes that it decides to peek out. Unfortunately my daughter is usually around and is strangely drawn to grabbing it and pulling! Let me tell you...NOT the most comfortable feeling in the world. It lends a whole new name to mega-wedgie!

I do, however, make sure to inoculate myself when I am in public! I never understood how these girls cannot feel the cool breeze blowing at the top of their crack. Sometimes it is just appetite robbing when you see it....What is truly sad is that some of these girls have friend or relatives who don't alert them to this tragedy. Case in point...this victim was eating at BWW with her mom. Mom gets up, goes to the bathroom and walks right past with the tail waving hello! Does mom even mention it? Nope, better to be oblivious and ruin other diners appetites. These are the people who won't tell you if you have boogers hanging out of your nose...are they really friends if they don't say something? 

So girls, (sorry guys, I know you like this for some odd reason!) just say no to this preventable tragedy! Get longer shirts, pull your jeans up...go commando. I really don't care...I just don't want to see this!

This should be the only whale tail visible!



Wednesday, April 6, 2011

VPL....Code for Visible Panty Lines


VPL...this is the only time I will ever say panty...unless I want to get on my darling daughter's nerves since "panty" is on her list of WORDS YOU DON'T SAY. If you want to see more of these words, just look for my posting from yesterday! BTW- guys...there is a VPL for you too and that is a no-no!

Visible Panty Line Pictures, Images and Photos
From Photobucket. Courtesy of Million68
VPL used to be for everyone...except for strippers. They knew of the benefits of g-strings before the rest of us. And I am not talking about the dollar bills stuck along the waistband either! Remember the '80s when the first go-round of skinny jeans was in? And if you could't find peg leg jeans, you made them by rolling and safety pinning them? Girbaud jeans in particular? Flashback time!

The look of tight jeans with high waists were just ruined by VPLs everywhere! Jeez, those jeans just accentuated the butt and highlighted the VPL in all it's glory! Don't even get me started on the beauty enhancement pleats provided! Can you say front-butt?

Now that thong no longer means the flip-flops you wear on your feet and they can be found at every store, not just Frederick's of Hollywood. (Did you think I wouldn't give you the link?) The VPL is nearly extinct. But there are havens for the VPL. You can find them congregated at Wal-Mart on the first weekend of the month. Just look around, they aren't as extinct as you think! You may want to go puke afterward but sometimes, you just can't look away despite the view. It's like the camel toe. It's just painful to see. Click here for more on that. 

Now, with the VPL nearly extinct we have another phenomenon called the "whale-tail" that has to be addressed. Yes, all the guys thought it was cute when Britney Spears flashed her tail to the world; but Girls, let me tell you this...it is NEVER, I repeat...NEVER appropriate to flash it in church. Yes, middle-aged lady who sits in front of us with your cute Ugg bootsJuicy Couture purse...I am talking to you! More on this topic to come!

So, go look in the mirror...butt first and see if you, too, are a victim of VPL. You don't have to resort to thongs for VPL extinction, you just need to find a better PANTY...(shudder at the word)!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Words Society Could Do Without....

There are just some words that society could just do without....you know the ones that make you shudder every time you hear them? Some of the words that I could do without are horrible words and others are normal, everyday words that aren't offensive to anyone but me. Here are the normal (?) words I just can't stand....

Take the word "moist". Just say it slowly...mmm-oy-ssst! I just sounds, well...MOIST. Maybe its just the way people use it. 

"My jeans felt moist after I removed them from the dryer." 

Gag me! Just say they felt wet! DO-NOT-EVER-USE-MOIST-IN-A-SENTENCE unless you are talking about cake!

Another one I don't like is "panties". Can't you just say underwear? Panties is just so, so...YUCK. It's just something about it that sounds so wrong. I remember being a kid and my mom saying panties...

"Make sure you put on clean panties...". She would inevitably say that when we had a doctors appointment. Like the doctor ever looked at you and yelled because you didn't have clean "panties" on. 

UGH! Like I would put on dirty ones...well, maybe my son would but we would have bigger issues of he did!

Okay, there is one instance when it is okay to refer to "panties"....it's when you talk about VPL. The dreaded Visible Panty Lines! (Come back tomorrow for more on this topic!)

Another word? Supple...suuuup-pulll. It's like moist...who the heck ever uses the word supple in a sentence? Yes, they talk about leather with this term and really? What's so bad about saying it's soft? Okay, soft sometimes is not a great term when you are talking about CERTAIN things....(giggle) but for leather...trust me, it's ok!

What's even worse is if you hear moist and supple in the same sentence...it leads to instant upchuck...

What are some words that you just cringe when you hear? Let me know! I will add to my list.




Friday, April 1, 2011

April Fool's Day Memories

Ahhh, April Fool's Day. What a joke! You can stop rolling your eyes...it was corny, I know. Mother Nature brought a lovely present to us in Minnesota. Snow! This time of year I like to refer to it as White Shit. The only savings grace is that it doesn't smell like shit.
My morning view...YUCK!
Now that I have my morning cursing done, I can get on with the subject of April Fool's Day jokes. Kids LIVE for April Fool's day. Adults kind of just hope that nothing gets pulled on them...especially my hubby. I never planned for this joke but once I had the idea...I ran with it.

A few years back, the poor guy had to have a double hernia surgery. Because March is a non-fishing, non-hunting month, It was the perfect time because timing is everything! You know how men are? If they get a sniffle, they whine and cry like they are dying. Can you imagine a double hernia? Yup, I think you get the picture! He hadn't had his follow up yet when April 1 rolled around.

I was in my office at the local clinic and it struck me... I NEED, (yes, it was a need) to have someone call him and tell him that the mesh they used for his surgery was recalled! Oh boy....this is going to be fun! He had been complaining of a minor, pulling pain for a day or so...which I told him was normal for healing. Normally it was, but this tidbit was too good...I had to use it!

I had a coworker call him from her line and say she was from his doctors office. She told him that the mesh had been recalled but it was okay if he didn't have symptoms.

"Do you have any pulling-like pain?" asked the nurse.
"I do." says dear hubby.
"Oh...(hesitation in her voice)...well, we will need to see you ASAP as we need to do something about that. You need to call this number to schedule an appointment."

She gives him my direct dial number but he is so shaken up that he doesn't realize that it's mine! I am SOOOOOO bad! I giggle just thinking about it!

Ring, ring....I see that it is him. No, not all knowing, just caller ID! So I pick up the phone and answer it with his doctor's office greeting. His voice was shaky. I could hear the sweat dripping. Oh, man! I feel bad...I couldn't let it go on any further. That would have been torture! Give me credit, I am not THAT mean.

"Sorry dear, April Fool's Day!!!

Dead silence...and click! He hung up on me!

I was afraid to go home...very afraid! All is good, he finally forgave me, it took a while but it happened.

And I have never done another April Fool's Day joke to him again. Why? Well, as luck would have it...when he did go in for his follow up, they found that the mesh had slipped and was not doing what it was supposed to do. He ended up having to have his hernia repaired a second time. Ooops!

Happy April Fool's Day!





Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Get a Clue

Working with the public (not necessarily at large) you run into things that make you go WTH? (Trying to keep it PG13 here).

If you buy something that is supposed to work by doing A---->B---->C why do you complain when you don't do it that way and you do X---->Y---->Z? Then when it doesn't work or you totally mess it up...you expect people to rush in like the calvary to fix your screw up?!?!?

It's like being at the circus trying to clean up the elephant mess with 1 ply generic toilet paper with long finger nails! There are NOT enough rolls of toilet paper in the world for that type of mess!

Seriously when I was a consumer in a certain type of business I would have NEVER called into technical support and embarrass myself when I know I did something to really mess it up. Can you imagine this conversation?

Lady: "Oh my gosh, you have to help me."
MS: "What is the problem?"
Lady: "I was in my files on my computer and I accidentally deleted them."
MS: "Ok, have you gone into the Recycle Bin and tried to restore them?"
Lady: "Um, no...I think I cleaned the Recycle Bin out too."
MS: "You think you cleaned it out or did you really?"
Lady: "Well, if I did, you have to GET THEM BACK!! OMG my boss is going to kill me."
MS: "Which files did you delete?"
Lady: "Um...I did a control-shift-A and then hit delete when I was in the C drive. Now I can't even turn on my computer!!! You have to do SOMETHING!!!"
Lady: "Well ma'am, you will need to find your Operating System disk and reload. You wiped your computer clean."
Lady: "I don't know what you are talking about?!?!? JUST FIX IT!!!"
MS: "Sorry ma'am, if you can't locate the OS disk, there isn't much I can do."
Lady (crying hysterically now): "But you HAVE TO HELP!!!!!"
MS: "Ok, this is what you do...take your purse, go to Best Buy. Find the first salesperson in the computer section and BUY YOURSELF A NEW COMPUTER!"

Okay, they really wouldn't say that but that is what they are thinking. Seriously though...I wish you could buy clues at Walmart!

Certain things should not be okay in adulthood...

  • Like, saying like and you know. ALL THE TIME....Like you know, we went to this movie, we liked it, you know. 
Um, no I didn't realize that you you like, liked it.
  • Short tight shirts with low rise jeans. 
Muffin-tops should only be found in the kitchen or bakery wrapped in little fluted cups. Really, you don't need to wear mom-jeans but just get a size that fits you...Your body will thank you. Stacey! Clinton! Help is needed in aisle two!
  • Ohhh, I know, right? 
Really? Do you have to let everyone know you know but then need affirmation that you know?
  • Ugg boots with shorts
Just something wrong with that. Just because Britny can pull it off, doesn't mean you should either. You can tell the people that don't have to wear boots in the winter. All we want to do is get them off and put on the flip flops as soon as the snow melts. Besides, can you imagine the funk? If its warm enough to wear shorts...ditch the Uggs. 



Monday, March 28, 2011

Monday, Monday

Yes, it is another Monday. It says so on the calendar. Even if I didn't have the calendar, I would have known it was Monday. How? Just by the way people are on Monday. It's like Monday gives people a right to be crabby...sorry, last time I checked, it wasn't in the constitution. But then again, there are a lot of things going on in the world that people call rights that aren't in the constitution...but I won't get political on you. HEY! I heard that sound of relief from all the way over here! Seriously, you DO NOT want to get me started on that topic...and I promise to stay away from it...at least most of the time (giggling to myself).

Monday wasn't all bad but why is it that we feel so tired on Mondays? Is it because we live for the weekends and work (play) ourselves to the point of exhaustion? Or is it that we just know what is heading our way? 5 days of sheer h-e double hockey sticks that the thought of it just wears us out? I am beginning to think that way.

Even if I start out wanting it to be good, it seems like there is one person who just sets out on the day with their mission being...ruining everyone else's day. You know the one...when you call them and ask how their weekend was and they start telling you how bad it was that little Johnny was puking, dear husband was PMS'ing, teen daughter was out drinking. Really? Was there anything good in the WHOLE WEEKEND? Don't get me wrong, I am just as guilty as the next person and I have to catch myself to try and be more positive. So, I do what we all should do, hang up on them. Did I just say that? Yes, but I was ONLY KIDDING!  I know, you feel like doing it, admit it. But we don't, we let them talk and we let our minds wander to our special place. It's what people do. Most of the time, even something bad in my weekend doesn't seem so bad by those standards.

So when people ask you how your day was...try to stick some positive things in there. Oh, and how about asking the other person how their weekend was? I know everyone has a pet peeve for Monday, what is yours? Leave a comment and you never know...I may run with your idea! p.s. I hope you like the pictures...I hope they put a smile on your face today!



Saturday, March 26, 2011

Attitude adjustment received...whew!

Today was a MUCH better day! Started the day out bringing youngest to catch the bus to his first track meet, AFTER my first cup of coffee...gotta love that Coffee-Mate Peppermint Mocha creamer is no longer seasonal! I came home and made cupcakes...I found an amazing recipe Peanut Butter Cup cupcakes . As usual, I didn't look at the recipe and found I did not have plain sour cream so I substituted buttermilk for the sour cream, I didn't think that the Top the Tater would go well with PB...can I say AMAZING frosting? In fact this website has so many nummy recipes that I have to share the main site with you as well...http://hoosierhomemade.com/

I even managed to get my house cleaned! All in all a good day made better by the fact that my kids and their friends are downstairs where I know where they are, the cupcakes were amazing and I didn't have to work...and that is a good day in the world!

Happy Saturday night!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Attitude Adjustment Needed

Ever have one of those days? Or even weeks? This week has done it for me. My attitude officially stinks. It stinks worse than walking across a wet soccer field in spring after geese come back. It stinks worse than a minivan filled with soccer bags and smelly girls. If you have never had that pleasure, I swear it's worse than hockey bags! I need a serious attitude adjustment and I need it NOW, doggonit! How can I soar with the eagles when I am surrounded by turkeys?


So, you may be asking yourself...why is she in such a dither? Let's just say I have had it up to here with other people telling me how to do things in my professional life when my track record has proven itself to be above board and results driven. Don't get me wrong, I am all for learning how to do things differently if it means I can do my job better and create better results. Just don't tell me to change my ways when it only benefits you!

Ok. Rant over.

Things that I am Thankful for Today:
1. My family...they keep me sane through the crazy days.
2. My friends...they read my rants and empathize!
3. My job...it keeps my roof over my head AND lets me work from home.
4. Springtime...the days are longer and the sun is shining...
5. Coffee...the caffeine gets me going on days like these.


So as I go off to plan my attack for the day...remember tomorrow is another day...and it is Saturday!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Would you just move it?

As I have mentioned before, I live a few miles out in the country. No matter where I go, it takes 20-30 minutes to get there. Grocery store...20 minutes, to the mall to shop...20 minutes, pick up a sick kid from school...20 minutes. So every time I have to go somewhere I lose time in my life that I can never get back. Just think if you add 5 minutes on to every trip to town, there and back, how much time that is!!!! Jeez, I could spend that time doing more important things...sheesh.

For those of you who know me...or at least have gotten a glimpse into my life through my ramblings and rants, might have figured out by now that I am not the most patient in the world when it comes to slow drivers, okay slow anything! To make matters worse, I live in the tundra of Minnesota where we have snow or rumors of snow for 6 months out of the year. Yes, I AM cracked in the head for still living here, don't rub it in! But with snow, or heck even the POSSIBILITY of snow, some people simply CANNOT DRIVE in a reasonable manner. You may ask the following. "Reasonable? Whatever do you mean by reasonable driving?"

Well, let me tell you. Reasonable driving means the following...and if you can't do it...just move aside! Or in some cases, GET OFF THE ROAD!!!

  • In a 50 mph speed zone...can you at least TRY to get the speedometer up to 45, 50 would be nice but that might be asking you for things you just cannot accomplish. Any slower than that and our cars will be so close, they might have babies...just saying.
  •  Did you ever wonder why they painted that line to curve towards the side of the road??? Yeah, THAT one...its a turn lane...you use it to TURN so other cars can keep going! 
  • For those turns that don't have a turn lane, but also don't have a stop sign...don't stop before you turn. It may be hard but you CAN turn just by slowing down to a safe speed! Try it, you may like it.
  • When traveling down the interstate...the rules of the road dictate that slower drivers need to travel in the right lane. This is so faster drivers (like me) can pass you! In some states, they even have reminders along the side of the road to do this...if you can't read them, should you really be driving?
  • While we are on THAT subject...Most cars now have a great technological advancement called CRUISE CONTROL...it keeps your car at a steady speed. No more up and down, up and down in your speeds! You can finally get rid of that malady you thought was motion sickness! So, no, it wasn't the other cars who couldn't figure out their speed and kept passing you...it was you all along.
Now on to parking! I understand that sometimes, it's hard to see the line when it snows. But if there is just a dusting..--------> 

You can still see the lines well enough.....
This next one takes the proverbial cake. Now I get a tad bit miffed when someone can't park between two lines and takes up two spaces in a crowded parking lot...but how in the world can you not see that you have parked like a total idiot?  And that is the world according to me...at least for today!


Monday, March 21, 2011

If you can't say anything nice....

Have you ever heard the saying "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar"? I never really, truly appreciated that saying until I started working with the public. It always amazes me when see someone that is being such an A**hole that all you really want to do is just hang up on them...of course, after telling them where to go and how got get there...ok, see that crack in the earth? Ok...see that hot magma boiling? Yeah? Ok, well, there's a guy down there who has several alias', you may want to pay him a visit. I think you get my drift.

Like in restaurants...I understand when you order something and it's just not right. After all, you are paying for it, but do you really, really want to yell at the poor waiter or waitress? It really is the cooks fault...your best bet is to be very nice about it...you just never know what extra condiments are going to be added. Those crunchy's on top of that augratin potatoes? Dried boogers anyone? That extra smooth gravy with that ONE lump? I am thinking someone has a nasty sinus infection. Yeah, I could have save the visuals but what fun would that be? Be nice and ask what can be done, don't demand...and don't not tip the waitress...talk to the manager if it's not settled to your satisfaction.

Just a little anecdote, we were at our local pizza place and we sat down, ordered (the manager came and took our order, a minute later, our waitress came and was surprised our order was already taken.. we waited...and waited. You could tell they were busy and when our waitress came to apologize because it was taking a while,  we assured her it wasn't a big deal. A few minutes later, we see her coming, as she is walking to the table with the hot pizza in her outstretched hand, some unseen force just tilted that pizza off the pan and on to the floor. At that point, I felt so horrible for her. When she approached the table you could see the fear in her eyes, just waiting for the dressing down...she offered us bread sticks while they baked another pizza. Each time she came to the table, I thought she would burst into tears. She seemed utterly defeated.


Yes, we could have got mad, yelled and made a scene. What did we do? We ate our pizza (num, btw) and left her a 30% tip. On the way out I told her that everyone has bad days and it can only get better. She told me that she is a single mom, working the waitressing job AND started back to school in many years just that week and was overwhelmed by everything. So, when you want to get crabby at someone...step back and stop. Stop and think, what kind of day has that person had up until now, a little kindness can go a long way. I hope I made a difference in her week.




Sunday, March 20, 2011

Remember When?

As my kids get older, I think back on the time when they were younger and life seemed more simple. Hectic, but simple.

Remember when:

  • the question of "why" was simply answered "because I said so"?
  • you didn't like their friends, it was as easy as not allowing them to see them?
  • they didn't want to eat something, you could still get them to taste it?
  • you could pick out the clothes they wore without "aww mom...that's so not cool"?
  • you could still surprise them at Christmas? 
  • Christmas was still cheap?
  • your birthday cakes didn't have to be amazing looking, just that you made it was good enough?
  • "can I have an allowance" meant not cleaning out your wallet?
  • play jeans only cost $15?

Granted, there are things that I do like now that my kids are older and I plan on taking full advantage of them as much as I can.

Things to look forward to as your kids get older:

  • date nights no longer need to be planned out like a full scale military exercise.
  • you don't have to budget for babysitters for those date nights, you can get that rib-eye instead of the chopped steak.
  • Run out of milk? Text the teen driver and ask them to stop on the way home. (Of course with the no texting rules in place!!)
  • younger son needs a ride to soccer practice, the ski hill, a friends house...oh number one daughter.. for the price of the car...YOU WILL CHAUFFEUR HIM AROUND!
  • Birthday presents can be cash! I know, that was a 'remember when' moment too...catch 22, what can I say?
I love my kids and I wish the time wouldn't have gone so fast but I would not trade it for anything in the world!


Saturday, March 19, 2011

Chocolately ooey-gooey goodness

I while stumbling this week I came across a recipe that included 2 of my kids favorite things in the world...Oreos and marshmallows! I saw them and just knew I had to make this wonderful treat. As much as I would like to claim credit for this amazing recipe you can find it here Picky-Palate. She even has one with Nutter Butter cookies that I shall try sometime in the future. I plan on perusing that blog for more recipes! They don't look as good as hers but really, does it matter?

I love to cook! The problem I have is that I hate, hate, hate cleaning up. When there is something new on the table, my hubby has to ask "is this a recipe or one of your creations?". I admit to rushing into the kitchen at 5:00 and asking what's for dinner? Only thing is, I am met with stone cold silence because, oh yeah, I AM RESPONSIBLE for figuring that out! Dangit! So I go to my pantry, refrigerator, freezer and pull out what I have.
Does it always turn out good? Not always. There are times when my family will tell me, "it's okay but we won't be upset if you never make that again"...loving words when it turns out bad. Most times it does and boy, I wish I could remember what how I made it! I will make a pledge to my readers...I will start keeping track and sharing the winners and the losers!

Now, what should I make for Sunday dinner?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Barking dogs and screaming kids...

I live out in the woods you see...(do you hear the refrains of Hank Williams? ME TOO!) I live out here for the peace quiet and serenity. I had that for several years. Then the neighbors got a dog. A cute, cuddly canine that runs around the yard and barks at everything. I mean EVERYTHING! That bird flying by? Arf-arf-arf-arf! The butterfly in my yard?  Arf-arf-arf-arf! I can understand some of the barking but when it goes on and on and on like John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, his name is my name toooooo...(thank God you can't hear me sing, I am so pitchy) Oh, sorry. Back to the barking dog...There are some days that he will start at 6:30 in the morning! Winter is bad but I am dreading the whole summer, let's open the window weather,it means it will get even more irritating. The worst part is that the owners are clueless. I once called them at 6:20 am to ask them to SHUT HIM UP!!! In a very nice way only to hear the whiny voice "we don't know what to do with him". Um, I have an idea...how about BRINGING HIM INSIDE? Silly me, that must have been hard to figure out...glad I could help.
Thanks freepixel.com!

Not only do I have dogs to worry about, but a couple of years back our neighbors built a new house and moved. We were anxious to see if we were going to get some good neighbors...well, that was a crap shoot and we knew it. Did we get good neighbors? Well, if you count the fact that they don't associate with the "worldly" heathens that we are...then yes. If you count the kids in their yard...let me see 1..2..3..4..8..12..15...YES!!!! 15!! Then no, not good neighbors. Seriously...I gotta give them kudos for popping that many out and being able to deal with that. Heck, I have 2 that are older and spread apart and feel like I am crazy half the time. So, when neighbor mommy gets tired of listening to the little angels, she does what every other mom would do...sends them outside to share the musical musings of those little darlings (can you hear my teeth grinding as I say that?) crying because they are picking on each other. It is amazing how the sounds just float on a breeze right into my office.

Honey....you know that secluded island getaway up North? Can we leave tomorrow? For good?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Rockin' the Yoga Pants?

You have seen it, the person at the mall who thinks they rock the yoga pant. Really, its more like a boulder in the yoga pants. And I ain't talking about rock solid abs.

Now, before you get in an uproar over what you may perceive as skinny bias...let me clarify something. I am lucky that I have been able to maintain a healthy weight but even I know what I look like in yoga pants and if I don't like what I am seeing, neither would you. Yes, I have a bit of a belly (thanks to my kids!) and my legs are not as smooth as I would like them to be and I am proud to look the way that I do at my age. But, that doesn't mean that I want to flaunt it and make everyone behind me snicker "omg, what was she thinking?". Yoga pants are good for 19 year old string beans, toddlers (really, is there anything cuter?) and...I know...novel idea here but go with it...YOGA CLASS!

I do, however know some non-string bean gals who can pull it off and still look good...so it is possible...you just have to not worry about the size on the tag. But even skinny people can look ridiculous if the yoga pant is too small. Helllllloooooo!!!! Has everyone broken their mirrors? I mean, really....you can get full length mirrors at Walmart for less than $10. Take my advice, get one, use it and the eyes of the world will be happy.

Newsflash...camel toes should only be found on camels! That term is not an endearment!
Appropriate camel toe




Pictures from Wikipedia