I Love Old People

I love old people. They can say things that younger people can't say and get away with it. People just smile and nod at them. It's like kids too. Old people and kids, they can be forgiven for saying anything.

Today, I was on a plane (for more on that click here). One of 3 flights today and there was a lady talking loudly on a cell phone as she is walking down the aisle. There was this older gentleman already in his seat. The line got held up by some idiot who could not figure how to pull his head out of his butt put his bag up in the overhead bin.  Jeez, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out...IT IS TOO BIG!

Where was I? Oh, this rude bitch lady was getting louder and getting on everyone's nerves. I was ready to punch her but that would mean putting my Kindle down and having to rise out of my seat. And punching isn't a good thing on a plane. Ok, I really would not have done it but I like to fantasize.

"Hey lady, you are yelling in my ear", the old guy says rather loudly.

Total silence.

She ends her call.

That is why I love old people. I think we all need to start to think like old people and act in the manner in which we wish others would act. That way we don't irritate others and as Rodney King would say...

"Can't we all just get along?"

And they wonder why there are so many people that don't want cell phones allowed on the plane. Good example of why I don't want it. This guy, I will refer to as Douche of the Day.

He was at MSP airport standing by one of the food courts on his Iphone (substitute for manhood?) just spewing about nothing but profanity and acting like a Trump wannabe. It was disgusting. Imagine sitting next to him on a plane for 2 hours. I would kill him and be sent to prison never to see my family again. So, what do I do? Walk past and exclaim...

"What a douche!"

He lost his train of thought and just looked at me. My job for mankind was done for today.

You're welcome.

Poor Fashion Choices=Easy Target

I am not a fashion plate. I do not buy the latest fashions and I don't spend a ton of money on my clothes. But what I do buy, I try to make sure they fit good and look better. But, there are just some fashion choices that make me go "HUH"?

Different strokes for different folks? I get that, really. I do. But certain things just are not ok. Writing on the sweatpants ala Pink by Victoria's Secret, acceptable in most instances. Notice I said MOST, not all. There are some people that should not wear writing on their butts!

This lady, for example, from a distance, they look like a funky print.

Now look a little closer, closer....

I think (operative:THINK) it says peace. I wasn't moving fast enough to catch up since I was schlepping my bags..But not only are the pants horrendous but she is barefoot! In an airport! That is just too nasty for words.

This guy must have a wife or girlfriend who hates him. "Honey, it looks really good when you wear blaze orange shorts with your matchy shoes!" The picture doesn't even show the brightness as good as if you were right there. I got my sunglasses out.

Now, you guess the next one. Look closely at the one on the right. Guy or girl? See the hair?

Double take!!! Its a dude! I want to ask how he keeps his locks long and luscious! Ok, not!

There we so many more! It was like the auditions for "What Not toWear" was visiting Detroit Metro yesterday! I also saw two women who thought it was a wise choice to wear a lace shirt over just the bra. The only time this is okay is if you are attending a party at the Playboy Mansion.Cripes. I have said it before and I will say it again...buy yourself a mirror or find better friends if they tell you "sure, it's cute". 

The Girls Need Support

Girls, they need support. They need their friends, their family, their spouse for support. They help to uplift and keep us girls happy. What happens if the girls don't get support? They get droopy and sad. The other "girls" also get droopy and sad if they don't get sufficient support.

I did a lot of people watching today and was amazed at the number of women whose girls were just flopping around as they walked (or ran) through the airport. It made my chest hurt just watching them. Seriously ladies, I don't care if you are a B cup or a NN cup. A good bra is your friend!

Not only would it do wonders for how your clothes fit but it will give you support and the weight won't pull on your shoulders and upper back. Face it ladies, boobs can be a pain in the back!

Question 100 guys and I bet the majority of them would say that the first they they noticed (if they were truly honest) is a woman's breasts. Whether they are perky or droopy, full or flat, it is what make a woman a woman and guys notice them. Wouldn't you rather have them look at you as a whole than judge you by whats on your chest?

"Guys, eyes are up here."

You don't have to anorexic to have great boobs. You just need the right bra. Kind of like the IPhone, there's an app for that. Fried eggs on your chest? There's a bra for that. Full breasts off to the side? There's a bra for that. Droopers? There's a bra for that. I think you get my point.

The best gift to your girls? Get a bra fitting from a professional. Yes, it is weird and awkward but I have done it and found that I was in the wrong size. I am glad I did it! Keep looking and trying on bras. What works for my 19 year old daughter may not work for me. (If you thought you heard a bit of jealousy, you did!)

Get noticed for you, not your boobs or lack of girl support.

(.) (.)

The girls thank you.

p.s. Don't forget to do your mammograms and self breast exams!

Rockin' the Yoga Pants?

In case you missed it the first time around. I will be posting again this week but as I am heading out this morning to the beautiful state of Pennsylvania, I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off! And if you head over to my other blog, you will see why I wish I could cut my head off!

http://tinastraveltrials.blogspot.com/

The World According to Me: Rockin' the Yoga Pants?: "You have seen it, the person at the mall who thinks they rock the yoga pant. Really, its more like a boulder in the yoga pants. And I ain't ..."

Happy Easter

Happy Easter!!!

Massage Virgin No Longer

I had my first massage today. It was all I was expecting and more.

I went to the Elysium Salon and Dayspa and saw Devyn. She shook my hand (can we say death grip?!?!)  and I just knew it was going to be good. The smells were amazing. It smelled like I was walking through a garden on Maui!

The table was prewarmed, sheets were soft. Heaven. As she started kneading the knots out of my back, all I could think of is how much I wish I could be her client everyday!

For an hour, I had an amazing massage from head to toe. She found muscles that were balled up like little truffles, only not as sweet and got them to melt completely away as if they were indeed made of chocolate.

Ok, the only thing that would have made it better was if Devyn was some hot, muscular Matthew McConaughey look-alike. But then, my eyes were closed most of the time anyway, so it didn't really matter.

To say I am hooked is an understatement. I think I found my new addiction. There could be worse things to be addicted to. Like plastic surgery, drugs or alcohol. I am trying to convince my hubby that I need one monthly. Maybe I can convince my boss that it would be mutually beneficial to let me expense one each month. Call it Mental Health Assurance.

To top the day off, we went to Red Lobster for dinner. A bit of shopping, nails done, a massage, dinner out. What else could top of the day? Hmmmm....dessert.

Me Day

I haven't had a me day for a while. In fact, I can't remember the last time I had one. Most of my me days consist of getting the house clean and possibly grocery shopping.

Today, will mostly be a me day. I am going to have my finger nails done and taking advantage of my birthday present from my daughter. She bought me a one hour full body massage! Do I have a great daughter or what?

I have never had more than a simple back rub from my husband so I have no idea what to expect. I admit, I am a bit nervous.

What underwear should I wear? Should I make sure that I have done proper landscaping? Oh dang, my toe polish looks like crap? Will they notice? Will the masseuse be a guy? (The name is Devon...can go both ways!) If it is, will he be hot?

These are all the things that are running through my head right now and it's making me tense just thinking about it.

So I will do what I always do. Overachieve. I will wear my normal underwear...no thong but make sure I don't have VPL. I will shave my legs and make sure my bikini line is crisp and neat. I will re-polish my toes. Or should I just see if they can fit me in for a pedicure? Decisions, decisions.

In reality, I just don't want them to talk behind my back when I leave.

"Did you see her toenails, was that a fungus or chipping polish?"
"OMG, has she ever shaved her legs?"

Nope, not gonna happen to me.

Here's to you having your me day....What is your dream me day?