Lights On For Safety!

We had fog this weekend...LOTS of fog. It was the spooky, thick white fog that stopped anyone from seeing more that 10 feet in front of you.

Driving is always tricky up here in da' nort when there's fog. Why is that?

Because people are dumb! Not just clueless or inconsiderate of others...just dumb.

I don't always agree with every law that is passed but this is one law that I wish they would enforce, even if it is to give a warning. The lights are not meant to help you to see through the fog but for other drivers, walkers, flyers (hey, you never know when you may see me on a broom!). It's so we can see YOU!

I know, it's a crazy concept! It's not so bad when you are driving down a straight-away until.....
Whoa....some Nervous Nellie Grandma or Grandpa driving 30 mph in a 55 zone with no lights on just suddenly appears in front of you! Brakes hit, tires screeching...metal crunching...who needs that? I don't...I have a teenager driver...don't need any insurance premium increases!

So if you pass me along the road and I blink my lights at you...I am not flirting with you...it just means your lights are not on and it's just too difficult to reach out and touch you with my fist!

Lights on for safety!

Work at Home..What Part of Work Do you Not Get?

I work at home. Yes, I am a wife and mom and that work counts for a lot. But I also have to work for a living. this is where it is a bit of a dilemma.

I am extremely fortunate to have a job where I can roll out of bed, grab a cup of coffee and shuffle into my home office in my pajamas! Most days I love, love, love this arrangement. But there are THOSE days...

You know the ones where your hubby or kids think that the world revolves around them and their whims and just because you are present that you should just expect to wait on them? Working from home just adds to the number of those.

"Mom, can you bring me to school?"
"Honey, can you run and get this for me today?"
"Can you wash my clothes that I need for after school today"

Or worse...MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM! From the other room when I am on the phone... THAT however, is another story, for another day....

UM...hello...I have a job that requires me to be available....

Take today for example. It is a Friday so my hubby has the day off. We are embarking on a slow update to the house. The current project is my home office. It has been painted (I did it all, btw) so his part is new flooring. If you work from a  home office full time you know how much SHTUFF accumulates around you...try being a techno-geek who works for a medical equipment manufacturer!


He is bored and wants to get started...can't wait until 4 when I get off...NO! Gotta do it now...So, despite my day going to the dogs...I grudgingly unplug my phone, two routers, computer, monitor, battery back up and removable drives and move to the dining room. OMG...it took 30 minutes to move it and get it all set back up again! Temporary insanity, because when he finishes the floor...it all has to go back! It only took me 10 years to get it just so....I know, I hear the whine in my voice too...

Current cable mess!

Don't get me wrong, I am happy that he is doing this for me...but did he have to do it today?

If you are a work at home mom...tell me what your pet peeve is....leave me comment. I would love to hear from you!

Birthdays~They make you feel old!

Birthdays...we all have them. But why is it that the numbers make us feel so darn old?

No, it's not my birthday today. It's my daughter's. She turns 19 at 4:27 pm today. Not 4:00, not midnight, but 4:27 PM...I need to stay feeling a little young for a little while longer, gimme a break!

Why is it that your kid's birthdays inevitably make you feel older than your own birthdays do?

With my daughter...it just reminds me of when I was 19, a size 0 (don't hate), just married (huh?) and still got carded if I went to buy a lottery ticket. And THAT, my friends, is what makes me feel old. It's the "I remember being that age and wish I could turn back time" wah story! Cher sings about it, if I could just find a way....those were the days...

How old am I? Don't you know to never ask a woman that question (insert eye-roll here)? No, I wasn't 16 when I had her; but neither did I follow in the footsteps of people that started their child-rearing in their 40's. Child-rearing...that word really belongs on the list of words society could do without...

I digressed...sorry, the Ritalin didn't start working yet, it's still early.

Anyway, I am only 42...and while I am not a size 0 anymore, I don't think I look too bad for my age but then again, I have been meaning to get to the eye doctor for some new glasses. I think I put that off because I am afraid to really see the details in the mirror...I mean, really...why can't I have that plastic surgery? Oh yeah, a little thing called MONEY. So if you want to donate to my plastic surgery...you can donate here.

So happy birthday to my dear daughter...thanks for making me feel old!

Whale Tails~ A preventable tragedy

Whale tails...a simple little term that holds a few definitions. According animal biology, it is the appendage by which a whale is propelled through the ocean. According to human fashion biology, it is defined as the the thong taking a peek out of the jeans to see what it's missing. There is even a website dedicated to this phenomenon!

Am I immune to whale tale? I have to sadly admit that I am not immune. Does this mean that I proudly display my tail? Heck no! But there has been moments when I am at home, slipping on my shoes that it decides to peek out. Unfortunately my daughter is usually around and is strangely drawn to grabbing it and pulling! Let me tell you...NOT the most comfortable feeling in the world. It lends a whole new name to mega-wedgie!

I do, however, make sure to inoculate myself when I am in public! I never understood how these girls cannot feel the cool breeze blowing at the top of their crack. Sometimes it is just appetite robbing when you see it....What is truly sad is that some of these girls have friend or relatives who don't alert them to this tragedy. Case in point...this victim was eating at BWW with her mom. Mom gets up, goes to the bathroom and walks right past with the tail waving hello! Does mom even mention it? Nope, better to be oblivious and ruin other diners appetites. These are the people who won't tell you if you have boogers hanging out of your nose...are they really friends if they don't say something? 

So girls, (sorry guys, I know you like this for some odd reason!) just say no to this preventable tragedy! Get longer shirts, pull your jeans up...go commando. I really don't care...I just don't want to see this!

This should be the only whale tail visible!

VPL....Code for Visible Panty Lines

VPL...this is the only time I will ever say panty...unless I want to get on my darling daughter's nerves since "panty" is on her list of WORDS YOU DON'T SAY. If you want to see more of these words, just look for my posting from yesterday! BTW- guys...there is a VPL for you too and that is a no-no!

From Photobucket. Courtesy of Million68

VPL used to be for everyone...except for strippers. They knew of the benefits of g-strings before the rest of us. And I am not talking about the dollar bills stuck along the waistband either! Remember the '80s when the first go-round of skinny jeans was in? And if you could't find peg leg jeans, you made them by rolling and safety pinning them? Girbaud jeans in particular? Flashback time!

The look of tight jeans with high waists were just ruined by VPLs everywhere! Jeez, those jeans just accentuated the butt and highlighted the VPL in all it's glory! Don't even get me started on the beauty enhancement pleats provided! Can you say front-butt?

Now that thong no longer means the flip-flops you wear on your feet and they can be found at every store, not just Frederick's of Hollywood. (Did you think I wouldn't give you the link?) The VPL is nearly extinct. But there are havens for the VPL. You can find them congregated at Wal-Mart on the first weekend of the month. Just look around, they aren't as extinct as you think! You may want to go puke afterward but sometimes, you just can't look away despite the view. It's like the camel toe. It's just painful to see. Click here for more on that. 

Now, with the VPL nearly extinct we have another phenomenon called the "whale-tail" that has to be addressed. Yes, all the guys thought it was cute when Britney Spears flashed her tail to the world; but Girls, let me tell you this...it is NEVER, I repeat...NEVER appropriate to flash it in church. Yes, middle-aged lady who sits in front of us with your cute Ugg boots, Juicy Couture purse...I am talking to you! More on this topic to come!

So, go look in the mirror...butt first and see if you, too, are a victim of VPL. You don't have to resort to thongs for VPL extinction, you just need to find a better PANTY...(shudder at the word)!

Words Society Could Do Without....

There are just some words that society could just do without....you know the ones that make you shudder every time you hear them? Some of the words that I could do without are horrible words and others are normal, everyday words that aren't offensive to anyone but me. Here are the normal (?) words I just can't stand....

Take the word "moist". Just say it slowly...mmm-oy-ssst! I just sounds, well...MOIST. Maybe its just the way people use it. 

"My jeans felt moist after I removed them from the dryer." 

Gag me! Just say they felt wet! DO-NOT-EVER-USE-MOIST-IN-A-SENTENCE unless you are talking about cake!

Another one I don't like is "panties". Can't you just say underwear? Panties is just so, so...YUCK. It's just something about it that sounds so wrong. I remember being a kid and my mom saying panties...

"Make sure you put on clean panties...". She would inevitably say that when we had a doctors appointment. Like the doctor ever looked at you and yelled because you didn't have clean "panties" on. 

UGH! Like I would put on dirty ones...well, maybe my son would but we would have bigger issues of he did!

Okay, there is one instance when it is okay to refer to "panties"....it's when you talk about VPL. The dreaded Visible Panty Lines! (Come back tomorrow for more on this topic!)

Another word? Supple...suuuup-pulll. It's like moist...who the heck ever uses the word supple in a sentence? Yes, they talk about leather with this term and really? What's so bad about saying it's soft? Okay, soft sometimes is not a great term when you are talking about CERTAIN things....(giggle) but for leather...trust me, it's ok!

What's even worse is if you hear moist and supple in the same sentence...it leads to instant upchuck...

What are some words that you just cringe when you hear? Let me know! I will add to my list.

April Fool's Day Memories

Ahhh, April Fool's Day. What a joke! You can stop rolling your eyes...it was corny, I know. Mother Nature brought a lovely present to us in Minnesota. Snow! This time of year I like to refer to it as White Shit. The only savings grace is that it doesn't smell like shit.

My morning view...YUCK!

Now that I have my morning cursing done, I can get on with the subject of April Fool's Day jokes. Kids LIVE for April Fool's day. Adults kind of just hope that nothing gets pulled on them...especially my hubby. I never planned for this joke but once I had the idea...I ran with it.

A few years back, the poor guy had to have a double hernia surgery. Because March is a non-fishing, non-hunting month, It was the perfect time because timing is everything! You know how men are? If they get a sniffle, they whine and cry like they are dying. Can you imagine a double hernia? Yup, I think you get the picture! He hadn't had his follow up yet when April 1 rolled around.

I was in my office at the local clinic and it struck me... I NEED, (yes, it was a need) to have someone call him and tell him that the mesh they used for his surgery was recalled! Oh boy....this is going to be fun! He had been complaining of a minor, pulling pain for a day or so...which I told him was normal for healing. Normally it was, but this tidbit was too good...I had to use it!

I had a coworker call him from her line and say she was from his doctors office. She told him that the mesh had been recalled but it was okay if he didn't have symptoms.

"Do you have any pulling-like pain?" asked the nurse.
"I do." says dear hubby.
"Oh...(hesitation in her voice)...well, we will need to see you ASAP as we need to do something about that. You need to call this number to schedule an appointment."

She gives him my direct dial number but he is so shaken up that he doesn't realize that it's mine! I am SOOOOOO bad! I giggle just thinking about it!

Ring, ring....I see that it is him. No, not all knowing, just caller ID! So I pick up the phone and answer it with his doctor's office greeting. His voice was shaky. I could hear the sweat dripping. Oh, man! I feel bad...I couldn't let it go on any further. That would have been torture! Give me credit, I am not THAT mean.

"Sorry dear, April Fool's Day!!!

Dead silence...and click! He hung up on me!

I was afraid to go home...very afraid! All is good, he finally forgave me, it took a while but it happened.

And I have never done another April Fool's Day joke to him again. Why? Well, as luck would have it...when he did go in for his follow up, they found that the mesh had slipped and was not doing what it was supposed to do. He ended up having to have his hernia repaired a second time. Ooops!

Happy April Fool's Day!